Posts Tagged With: babies

Reflections on Day 4 of Our Second Kid

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My wife and I got back from the hospital a few days ago after the birth of our second daughter Cecilia. Both mom and baby are doing really well and resting at home. I have been reflecting on our whole experience with Cecilia from conception to now, and man it has been different than with our first. The experience has been so different that at first I questioned whether baby number two was getting second best from us.

When Claire was born it was all new. We were prepping for Claire right away: buying a crib, sheets, curtains, etc. I had a baby gate up 6 months before Claire was born. It was all new and I guess thats the difference. Another significant difference was that we had no other kids to take care of and so we were able to really dive into preparing to become parents.

The last nine months have flashed by in the blink of an eye. We planed for Cecilia to be born in May and we were really excited for a second kid. Life had settled down with my wife’s studies so it was a perfect time for our little family to grow. That being said, we still found ourselves busy, running around constantly, and not with as much “free time” as we expected. Claire at four years old dominates most of our time and as the weeks turned into months suddenly I found myself in a hospital labor room telling my wife to “push”. I blinked again and Cecilia was in her mothers arms.

Here is what I am learning/experiencing so far with number two:

  1. Guilt: There is a level of guilt and general feeling-bad-ness that I’m experiencing due to comparing Cecilia’s pregnancy and birth to Claire’s. I know I’m not supposed to compare, but its where I am at. Lots of what I already said above applies here. I have heard from parents of 3+ children say that these feelings are normal.
  2. Focusing on first daughter: Although Cecilia needs mom pretty much all the time I am focusing more attention on Claire. I am sure that in Claire’s mind there is a certain level of “hey lets all still focus on me”. Claire has been pretty amazing so far and really enjoys her little sister. However, I want to make sure that Claire still sees how important she is to us even if we have to focus more time on Cecilia. There is just no way to know how a four year old mind will interpret certain actions from our end.
  3. Two isn’t that tough: Granted we are only four days in, but that ‘oh-my-god-we’re-responsible-for-a-baby’ mindset that most new parents experience is none existing. We have been out already and really all that number two does is sleep, eat and poop. As long as we can feed Cecilia, change her and stick her in a corner to sleep going out isn’t terrible.

I am sure there is sooo much more to come with having two kids, and with that a whole new list of what I am learning/experiencing. Right now we are so grateful for our little family.

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Categories: babies, fatherhood, fathers, new baby, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Babies, Guns and Jesus

 

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I am having a bit of a dilemma with the subject of this post and I am writing about it because this site is about “everyday daddy stuff” and this constitutes that. Also, because I believe there are plenty of other men who have gone through this situation and I could benefit immensely from their suggestions, comments and wisdom.

The moment I was married my mind began to think differently about various subjects (it’s supposed to). Life insurance was one of those things. If I die I want my wife to be taken care of. I also realized that my bachelor pad habits were not great and needed to change, furniture included.

When Claire was born there was another change in me. This change picked right up from where I left off after getting married. I had a wife and now, a daughter. My wife could take care of herself, but my daughter is utterly helpless. I had to think about things I have control over: baby gates, electrical socket plugs, and kitchen cabinet locks. Also in the mix were things that I may not be able to control: school districts, public or private school, neighborhoods, and the people in the said neighborhood.

So Claire and I were at the playground a few days ago. My daughter was going down the slides and running through the various obstacles there. As Claire went down the slide I saw a car coming. In the car was a really huge Malamute (like a Husky, but bigger). Also in that car was a Great Dane. I immediately went on alert because those are huge dogs that I have no control over and I don’t know what they will think upon seeing my little girl. The dogs both got out of the car and proceeded to take their owners on a walk. The dogs were fine, but I had this thought on my mind. What if both, or just one of those dogs attacked my little girl? What could I do? I have a pocketknife, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t work out so well with dogs that big.

So I am thinking differently about lots of things. Guns are one of those things.

It would be one thing for me to get beat up and mugged, but it would be a whole other ball game if my wife or daughter were involved. So I am discerning whether or not I should get a concealed carry permit and carry a gun with me at all times.

I want to protect my family, which I have a right and duty to. However, I am also a Catholic Christian man who wants to help others come to see the awesome power of Jesus and what He can accomplish in us. Never in my life have I wanted a gun on my property. When I was single, if someone were to break into my house I would probably invite him or her to chat about Jesus over pizza before they took off. I know that’s weird, but that’s how I use to think. I only had myself to think of then.

But now I am married. I have a daughter. And I am a follower of Jesus who tells me to, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Even that neighbor who might be hostile, or so broken inside that he or she is unable to really reason properly. Those are all Jesus’ people. My people…

Maybe I am being paranoid. Am I being paranoid?

What are the odds of someone or something trying to attack my family? Are those odds better than one of my kids getting to my gun and shooting themselves or someone else accidentally?

There are also the practicality factors to consider. If I carry a gun I have to be aware of it at all times. I have to know where I can go with and without one. If I cross from VA to MD, or SC with a concealed weapon is it all the same thing? Is it cool in one state and you get fined in the other? What about comfort? The gun will be on my person, which I can’t imagine is super comfortable. Will others who know, or can recognize the outline of my gun under my shirt feel comfortable with me carrying? Will I become a threat to someone else if they recognize I’m carrying a gun?

This is what I am thinking about right now: babies, guns and Jesus.

So what is the answer here? I don’t want to become a crazy gun owner that is uber paranoid and thinks everyone is a threat to his or her family. Yet, I never want to be in a situation like the one I mentioned above and not be able to defend my family.

I realize very clearly that things happen and we are not able to control them. I really do get that. I also really trust that God has my family’s best interest in mind, but not all of His children necessarily see it that way. Some people make mistakes and chose to hurt others. Does the act of me carrying a gun deter someone from choosing to harm my family and I? If not, should I respond to that violence with more violence? I am called to protect and defend my family but are guns the answer?

This is what I am thinking about right now: babies, guns and Jesus.

Categories: babies, Catholic, christianity, conceal carry, daughters, fatherhood, fighting, guns, Jesus, protecting family, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Nails

Hands and feet

One of the more challenging things I do with Claire is trimming her finger and toenails. I remember the first time I did it. It was traumatic—for me. I had the clippers out and was able to get a few fingernails in a half hour. I was so scared I would take a chunk of her finger! I didn’t take a whole finger, but unfortunately I got a little bit of skin and it bled. Man talk about feeling like a bad father.

At 10 months old trimming her nails isn’t a traumatic experience anymore, but it is still challenging. I find myself giving her shinny things to look and hold with one hand, while I try and trim her nails with the other. It is a bit rough to say the least. Claire is able to twist, turn and yank her limbs away all while screaming at the top of her lungs. I guess this is why surgeons have anesthesia.

A few days ago we were at it again (I swear they grow overnight). Claire fought like a mad woman. I would try to calm her with monkey noises (one of her favorite sounds), handing her a tiny flash light we keep by her crib, and finally by trying to reason with her. The monkey sound was the only slightly successful tactic. At one point I pinned her down and tried overpowering her, but quickly realized that this would only lead to more trouble.

Force never works.

As I stood frustrated over Claire, clipper in one hand and pinning her with the other I came to the realization that Claire’s attempts to keep me from trimming her nails is something I do…with God.

God is constantly speaking to us—even to those of us who believe He isn’t there. God is constantly trying to steer us towards Him and all that is good. God does all He can to help us to see that what He has to offer is what we need. I’m sure God has His own monkey noises for us; shinny things to attract our attention and heaven forbid He would try to reason with us. I know I fight Him just as much as Claire fights nail trimming.  Claire’s nails must be trimmed so she doesn’t hurt herself, but she will fight it. There are things in my life that must be “trimmed” yet I fight it.  I kick and scream and in the end the only thing I’ve done is cut myself with my own nails.

I often wonder how incredibly frustrating it must be to be God. To have a bunch of whinny, difficult and crazy children that reject every good and perfect thing He offers. It must be exhausting and infuriating. As I think these things Claire smiles as she lies pinned down by my hand.  I smile back and realize that even in Claire’s fighting and whining I love her beyond her fighting me. I know this is a lesson for me. In all my fighting, whining and rebellion God still loves me.

 

Categories: children, dying to self, fatherhood, God, Parenting, surrendering | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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